A special glow

Have you ever wondered what makes Posh Spice look so dewy? Well, neither has Anonymous Poo. But AP was tickled when she came across this article in the Daily Mail:


"Victoria and David Beckham's secret to perfect glowing skin: Bird poo"

"Victoria, 34, has been regularly indulging in £100 Geisha Facials, using a paste made from nightingale droppings, to combat acne she has suffered since her teens.

A pal told Closer magazine: 'When Victoria was in Japan recently she was admiring the local women’s clear skin and discovered it was down to these facials.

'She was intrigued and when she got back to the US she found that some New York beauty salons now offer the treatment.

'She tried it and loved how great her skin looked. She also uses a cream derived from nightingale poo at home.'"

As much as Anonymous Poo loves a good facial, she would never smear bird poo on her face. And AP wonders how many nightingales have been harmed in the de-acneification of Posh's skin. Perhaps Posh should talk to Diddy about getting her a free month's supply of Proactiv. Surely Proactiv is more effective than a paste of bird fecal matter.


Then again, maybe AP is just bitter because she's never had a 100 pound beauty treatment.

Beauty and the Beast

Faithful reader Basak snapped this photo while she was out one day and automatically thought of Anonymous Poo. She has titled it "The Beauty and the Beast."

Please admire the beautiful composition, the complementary colors, and the various textures of this photo. Doesn't that fig just make you hungry?

Thanks, Basak!

Why, hello.

Anonymous Poo is back after a long hiatus. She apologizes for her laziness, but promises to be more (ahem) regular with her posting.

She thanks all of her readers for submitting post suggestions during her absence. Keep them coming, friends! Anonymous Poo can't do this all by herself.

Constipated

Anonymous Poo apologizes for the long absence, dear readers. She hasn't had much to say this past month.

Believe it or not, AP has responsibilities outside of her blogging life and hasn't had much time to compose a decent post or research poo in the news. She promises to come back in full force soon.

Pinch a loaf

T-shirt by naughtee available from cafe press.

This week's poo euphemism is an oldie but goodie:

"Pinch a loaf."

As in: "As soon as that bell rings, I'm gonna run to the john. I've gotta pinch a loaf before I soil myself."

Arts and craps

Anonymous Poo wishes she had paid more attention during Home Ec at Girls Club. If she had, she'd know how to crochet and would make this happy guy for all of her friends.

Imagine the look on everyone's face when AP whips out her hook and thread on the bus and proceeds to crochet this guy. Ha!

Anyway, if you are handy with a hook and yarn, head over to puchitomato's blog and get the pattern. Then, send your creation to Anonymous Poo for, er, judging.

Happy crafting!

Image from puchitomato.

Thank you, Craig!

Anonymous Poo found this story on the Best of Craigslist and has to admit that she couldn't have made up a story this good.

Set in a public restroom somewhere in New York, an anonymous man searches for - and then finds - the perfect toilet stall and lets a fart rip, horrifying the man talking on the phone in the stall next to him.

A teaser:

"Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently."

You must read the story. It will make your day.