"Poo" in Italian is still "poo"

Anonymous Poo is going to Italy for a much-needed vacation and will be back on May 6th. Poo posts may be sporadic (or nonexistent) until then.

Buona giornata, i miei amici gentili!

Photo from lightmeter.

Kawaii poo

Happy Poo Friends from seiyaleo

Japan has a culture of "kawaii," or cute. Adults buy little trinkets of cute animals, they dress their tiny dogs in silly hand-knit outfits, they anthropomorphise inanimate objects (like teapots) by giving them faces and limbs.

Anonymous Poo hadn't been a fan of this trend. Well, not until now.

It seems that poo has come into favor with the kawaii crowd. Poo brooches (made out of felt, not real poo, silly) abound. Little TP and poo charms dangle from cell phones. One can buy patterns for poo plush toys.

And it's all so cute!

So, Anonymous Poo will start doing a weekly roundup of some of the best kawaii poo merchandise out there. This week, she highlights these items from etsy:

TP and Cell Phone Charm from komodokat

Poo Keychain from shelikescute

Sigh. Anonymous Poo wishes her birthday weren't so far away (for the record, AP's birthday is December 8, dear readers) ...

Curl off a length

Another poo euphemism from Brother Poo:

"Curl off a length."

As in: "Excuse me while I retire to the john with this week's issue of the 'New Yorker.' I need to curl off a length."

Happy Friday, dear readers!

Everyone poops

Often, when Anonymous Poo is in a multi-stall public restroom and can hear the woman in the stall next to her straining not to poo, she wants to yell out, "Good lord, just let it out! It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone poos!"

So, AP was delighted when she discovered Everyone Poops on her friend's son's bookshelf. She believes that all children should receive a copy of this book before they can even read. Kids need to learn that there's nothing shameful about appropriately-placed poo so that they don't grow up to be stuffed-up grownups ashamed of a public loo poo.

Anonymous Poo is even contemplating depositing a few copies in her office ladies' room, much like the missionary Gideons and their ubiquitous Bibles.

Toilet dreamin'

Anonymous Poo had another toilet dream last night. While these dreams are welcome, they are not as welcome as, say, her recurring George Clooney dreams.

But AP digresses.

AP decided to consult the handy dream interpretation site, Dream Moods, to get to the bottom of her dream meanings.

According to the site:

"To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless. If you are cleaning the toilet, then it means that you are starting to shed your shell or lose your inhibitions.

To see a clogged toilet in your dream signifies that you are holding in and keeping your feelings to yourself. Your emotions have been pent up too long.

To see an overflowing toilet in your dream, denotes your desires to fully express your emotions."

Hmm... AP declines to write much more for fear she'll share too much information with you, her gentle readers.

Purple monkeys love poo coffee, too

In response to yesterday's posting about civet cat poo-coated coffee beans, reader T. Benjamin Larsen sent us this link to a short movie he created around a similar subject.

Apparently, purple monkeys love to eat and poo coffee beans, too. Perhaps they and the civet cats should form a jungle-animal-coffee-bean-eating union and demand fair wages and decent benefits.

But this poo/coffee madness needs to stop. What's next? Anonymous Poo worries that the next news item she reads will involve Juan Valdez, some undigested coffee beans and, well, you know...

Poo clue

Shall we play a game of Poo Clue?

Anonymous Poo has a friend named Poppy*. Poppy and her husband went away for the weekend, leaving their son Hector in the care of Poppy's friend, Todd.

It seemed like a win-win situation for everyone involved. Poppy and her husband got a weekend away, Hector got to eat all the pizza he wanted, and Todd got to entertain his gentleman friend in a spacious flat instead of his studio apartment.

However, upon her return, Poppy went into the bathroom and noticed a very, very large piece of poo in the toilet. At first glance, it wasn't clear whether the toilet had not been flushed post-poo, or if the poo was so large that one flush wasn't enough.

So, Poppy went into Hector's room and asked him if his tummy was all right. "A crap that large isn't normal for a boy your size," she stated.

"No, Ma. I haven't crapped all weekend. That's Todd's."

Poppy put Hector's claims of constipation aside, deciding to address that issue after she had gotten to the bottom of this mystery.

She called Todd and demanded to know why Todd hadn't flushed the toilet, or, if the poo was a clogging three-flusher, why he hadn't plunged.

Todd was miffed. "It isn't mine. I flush."

Poppy wondered if the poo belonged to Todd's gentleman friend, but not knowing how to reach Todd's friend (and suspecting that Todd didn't know Suspect Number Three's number either), she turned to Anonymous Poo for some sleuthing help.

And now AP turns to you, her dear readers, for your help.

Who did it?

Hector?

Todd?

Or Todd's mystery gentleman caller?

Post your response in Comments.


*All names have been changed to protect true identities.

Howdy ho!

Howdy howdy ho, kids! Anonymous Poo is one happy girl today. She just discovered that full-length South Park episodes are available - for free- online.

She is now able to watch and re-watch her favorite South Park episode, episode #10: "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo."

If you only want to see Mr. Hankey scenes, you can watch those here.

Man oh man oh man... Even though it's only April, Mr. Hankey's presence makes it feel like Christmas.

Poo brew

According to CNN, the Peter Jones store in London has started selling coffee for $100 a pop. The high price tag is due to the coffee beans' unusual (and labor intensive) cultivation. You see, plantation owners pay subsistence farmers meager wages to pick the coffee beans by hand - out of cat feces.

The poo beans are harvested after being ingested by civet cats. Only 573 pounds of the coffee are produced each year.

The resulting blend is called Caffe Raro and is sold by Italian company De Longhi.

"The cats select the best beans to chew. It's rather like a natural filtering process," said Carie Barkhuzen, a spokeswoman for the Peter Jones store in London's upmarket Sloane Square.

Like civet cats, Anonymous Poo likes high-end coffee beans. And AP is the first to admit that coffee has a pleasing diuretic effect. However, this doesn't mean that AP would shell out $100 for what are essentially poo-covered beans.

AP may be persuaded otherwise, should De Longhi or Peter Jones wish to send her a complementary 3.5 oz bag of coffee for a taste test.

Well, duh.

Urban Outfitters is selling a brand of toilet paper called Shitbegone. Anonymous Poo wonders how this TP is different from, say, Charmin. Actually, the site states that the TP is recycled. Anonymous Poo would take cushy, Quilted Northern over crunchy-granola-with-an-ironic-twist Shitbegone any day.

Two rolls of Shitbegone cost $4. Perhaps we're paying a premium for the clever but obvious product name. If you asked Anonymous Poo, she'd tell you this is a waste (no pun intended) of money. Once the product is removed from its packaging, no one will ever know that the TP touching their arse is an overpriced novelty item from Urban Outfitters.

Instead, they'll just make fun of you behind your back for stealing the cheap, scratchy TP from your office restroom.

Have a smell

The Japanese are so weird. Maybe they like the smell of panda poo, but it's clear the panda doesn't.

Image from William Bragg.

Toilet Tattoos

Anonymous Poo has always dismissed fuzzy toilet lid covers as too spinsterish. They're on her "not" list, alongside puffy vinyl toilet seats, carpeting in bathrooms, and the blue stuff that disinfects toilets each time you flush.

AP is not sure how she feel about these toilet seat tattoos. They might work with an ironic, hipster decor. Might.

But maybe AP is being too harsh. Perhaps the duckies below would inspire her to lower the lid.




Though wouldn't this toilet seat encourage one's child to pee on top of the toilet, rather than in it?


AP thinks she'll stick with a naked toilet seat lid for now. She'll spend the money she saves on designer toilet paper instead.

Tea for Poo

Who are those delicate, ladylike women giggling in the corner of a cafe, sipping their tea? Why, it's Anonymous Poo and her friend Pants.

And what are they talking about? Duh. They're talking about poo. Actually, they're not just talking. They're playing a game of poo one-upmanship.

Let's listen in on their conversation.

AP: I swear, I lost four pounds this morning.

Pants: Oh yeah? Mine was green from all the spinach I ate yesterday.

AP: Whatever. Mine was sticking up out of the toilet water.

Pants: That's just because you have one of those water-saving, low-flush toilets.

AP: Don't hate just because you're jealous.

Pants: Fwah. Not jealous. Mine came out in one piece. It was so perfect that I wanted to put it in a stroller and and push it around the neighborhood.

Pants won.

Image from Table and Home.

Toilet Paper Foam

Toilet paper is one of the 20th century's great inventions. Aaah! plans to top that with its introduction of toilet paper foam.

Simply apply Aaah ! foam to your TP prior to wiping. It wipes away dry so you're not left feeling wet or sticky - just incredibly fresh and clean.

What a nice way to finish to one of your favorite activities!

Wheat grass and bad dates

Anonymous Poo had a bad date this weekend. It wasn't just that the guy was self-absorbed, or that he took himself way too seriously; he was also, well, anal-retentive.

One of the best first dates AP ever had was with a guy she'll call Esteban. While walking back from lunch, AP and Esteban passed by a juice bar advertising the health benefits of wheat grass juice.

AP mentioned that she had never tried wheat grass juice and wondered if her bowels were suffering because of that.

Esteban responded, "Really, I find that my morning coffee and a croissant have the same effect." A poo discussion ensued. AP and Esteban dated for a few months after that.

So, while AP was listening to her recent date ramble on about his award-winning film and all the film festivals it has been in, she thought to herself, "If this guy would just allow himself a good crap, he'd stop with the verbal diarrhea."

No such luck. AP is not sorry to say that she won't be going out with this guy again.


Image from Design Mom.

Sprinkle Brigade

Anonymous Poo's friend tells her that there's a guy in her neighborhood who sticks photographs of Dick Cheney in piles of sidewalk dog poo. While AP believes that dog owners should be good citizens and pick up after their pooches, she must admit that leftover poo is as good a place to slap a political statement as any.

For those of you who don't want to mix your poo with politics, but still want to celebrate the beauty of "poop trouve", there's Sprinkle Brigade.


Sprinkle Brigade patrols the streets of New York in search of doggie dung to poke, prop and photograph. This is alchemy of the highest order - transforming ordinary poo into brilliant works of art, and hilariously naming them with clever titles. Holy crap!

Holy crap, indeed.

What is your poo trying to say?

According to the publishers, this book is "A tell-all tribute that demystifies the digestive tract, once and for all. Complete with trivia, case histories and yes, illustrations."


Who hasn't experienced D.A.D.S.?


Finally - a book for you and me! It's even co-written by a doctor, so you know it's not completely lowbrow. What's Your Poo Telling You? is available at Urban Outfitters.

Fossilized Feces

From the BBC News:

"Fossilised faeces found in a US cave may help solve the riddle of when and how humans came to the Americas.

The samples date back just over 14,000 years, before the time of the Clovis culture.

... This and 13 other coprolites - fossilised faeces - proved the star attraction, because they contained tiny quantities of human mitochondrial DNA - genetic material found outside the nuclei of cells which is passed down from each mother to her children."


Read more here.


Who knew feces could fossilize? Anonymous Poo always assumed that such a thing would just decompose and eventually become oil. Well, AP is glad to have learned something new today.