Shall we play a game of Poo Clue?
Anonymous Poo has a friend named Poppy*. Poppy and her husband went away for the weekend, leaving their son Hector in the care of Poppy's friend, Todd.
It seemed like a win-win situation for everyone involved. Poppy and her husband got a weekend away, Hector got to eat all the pizza he wanted, and Todd got to entertain his gentleman friend in a spacious flat instead of his studio apartment.
However, upon her return, Poppy went into the bathroom and noticed a very, very large piece of poo in the toilet. At first glance, it wasn't clear whether the toilet had not been flushed post-poo, or if the poo was so large that one flush wasn't enough.
So, Poppy went into Hector's room and asked him if his tummy was all right. "A crap that large isn't normal for a boy your size," she stated.
"No, Ma. I haven't crapped all weekend. That's Todd's."
Poppy put Hector's claims of constipation aside, deciding to address that issue after she had gotten to the bottom of this mystery.
She called Todd and demanded to know why Todd hadn't flushed the toilet, or, if the poo was a clogging three-flusher, why he hadn't plunged.
Todd was miffed. "It isn't mine. I flush."
Poppy wondered if the poo belonged to Todd's gentleman friend, but not knowing how to reach Todd's friend (and suspecting that Todd didn't know Suspect Number Three's number either), she turned to Anonymous Poo for some sleuthing help.
And now AP turns to you, her dear readers, for your help.
Who did it?
Hector?
Todd?
Or Todd's mystery gentleman caller?
Post your response in Comments.
*All names have been changed to protect true identities.
3 comments:
Poppy says: Hector made a half confession this morning. He said, "It may have been my crap in the toilet, mom. I just don't remember."
I don't see how someone could take a crap that size and not remember, but we were eating breakfast, so I decided to let sleeping logs lie.
Todd said: "It isn't mine. I flush."
Of course he flushes. Everyone flushes. Who doesn't flush? No one. Except, also, everyone. And no one is happy to discover that they forgot to flush. Instant rush of perspiration and fear. "Oh no! My poo for all to see!"
It is an irrational fear, but a fear nonetheless. Similar to getting caught masturbating I imagine. I imagine.
Todd made the poo, forgot to flush, or forgot to flush twice. Probably had to run to go turn down the volume on the porn he was watching while Hector was asleep. Of course he won't admit it, what house-guest would?
I think it was Poppy.
Mid-business, Poppy remembered she'd forgotten to pack her special valise.
She jumped off the Shatner, then into the car, leaving the orphan that no one would claim.
Every night the orphan would light little poo matches, trying to keep warm. Down to it's last poo match, it wished for mommy to come home. Mommy did come home, but disowned it.
The orphan's little poo heart broke and it died.
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